Follow my story via Email:

Tuesday, 24 December 2013


As I sit here on my treadmill eating M & M's, I reflect on the past couple of weeks. They've been interesting. Different. Great. 

I've caught up with family I rarely see, found out I have an elderly, nudist neighbour who likes to garden, I've eaten too much crappy food & dealt with more tantrums from Master O than I can count. 

My Gramma came visiting with my parents & sister. That was an amazing few days. I really love my Gramma. But she seems depressed which is beyond heartbreaking. Money & sickness is the devil of all problems. Her sister, my Great Aunt came visiting while my Gramma was here. That was one of the only few times my Gramma looked genuinely happy. Miss M is named after those two ladies and I really hope she grows up inspired by them. Their nature, personality, sense of humour, willingness to adapt to any situation, & their general naughtiness is what I love most. 

My Mum told Gramma about the ankle bracelet on their way up. Gramma was good about it. It was up to her to tell the Great Aunt. She too was great about it & they quickly started suggesting ways we could slip my leg out without getting caught.

{Insert the naughtiness I just mentioned}

This was the first time I've seen my parents since being on Home Detention & so it was interesting to see their reactions. Dad instantly made a joke & Mum was starting to think of ways to decorate it.

She finally twisted my arm.

Although I was the butt of most jokes, I really enjoyed everyone's company & hope I see everyone a lot more often.

It sucks balls living so far away from all family & most friends. 

I think there needs to be some major changes {for the good} in 2014. 
This past year has had its ups but its mainly had its downs & I'm fucking sick of it to be frank. 

Happy New Year bitches.

I've just noticed the dates and my countdown don't match. Thanks to the messed up different time zones. It makes sense to me so don't go by dates.

{91 days to go. Phew}

Monday, 16 December 2013

Naked Times in Front of the Probation Officer & Christmas Joys

Gary came around a little earlier than normal today. I wasn't expecting a knock at the door & thought it may be a courier. A quick few seconds of nakedness can't hurt.
{But it was Gary}
As in, a whole few minutes of catching up to make sure I'm still behaving.
I couldn't even make eye contact with the guy for very long.
I had no eye-liner on.
I have been wearing the junk since I was about twelve. Nine years later & I now feel nude when I'm not wearing any.
Sorry if I got anybodies hopes up thinking there would be a funny story attached with that title but I had to make this post a little less average.

Not much has happened around here recently. Mr C and I have been cleaning up our gardens. Well, mainly Mr C as I can't reach most of our garden. #boundryproblems

It's also summer & to be frank, who can be assed typing in the heat?

We're cleaning up the house too actually. We've got my family coming for an early Christmas. They live 7 hours away so we don't see them as much as we'd like to. They're bringing my Gramma (who lives a further 4 hours away) which will be badass.
She hasn't seen Master O since he was about a week old
{4 & a half years ago!!}
& therefore hasn't met Miss M.

My Gramma is just too cool. She's always said that for her 80th she wants a tattoo. Being that that's in a few years, she wants me to start designing one for her. Seriously. How fucking awesome is she?!

Not much else I have to say so I'll leave it at that.

Merry Christmas Mother Fuckers.

{Smack on 100 days to go}

Tuesday, 10 December 2013

Hopes & Dreams

I wasn't joking. I will be doing a post on my hopes & dreams growing up. I will try to not go into detail too much as that'll bore you to death!

Shall we start?

Growing up, we weren't hard off for money. My dad owned his own business. Mum a vet nurse. Our house was a little larger than normal & our furnishings comfy. We moved towns when I was twelve & I hated my parents for taking me away from my friends. I don't know why I was complaining too much as we moved to a small farm where I could take my horse. Little did I know that's what I'd dream of after moving out of my parents just a few short years later.

I was a right little girly girl. Into my horses, dolls & most shit pink & sparkly. I made my highly masculine father paint my poor walls hot pink. {I don't know how I didn't wake up without a headache!} I think I was aiming to be a Paris Hilton type of person. I had an email address that, I kid you not, had something to do with me being a princess.

I went to a couple of different high schools, the last one a boarding school. It wasn't long before I was kicked out from the boarding part & I attended just the school part. That lasted a couple of months. Then, I was pregnant & being asked to leave due to my attitude & lack of actually wanting to be there. In my defence, the deputy principle that I dealt with was a cock.

I finished off my introductory mechanic course I was doing & went to studying on & off different subjects via correspondence whilst raising Master O on my lonesome. 

I was madly in love with 'boy racer' kinda cars & thought I was badass with my very loud, R32 Nissan Skyline. This unfortunately wasn't the last of the shitty, obnoxious cars I've owned.

Moving right along...

I have ranged widely in what I've wanted to be when I was older. To be fair, now that I am 'grown up' I'm still not convinced.

I'm currently studying to be a Real Estate Agent. I'm not totally motivated to study at the moment as once qualified, I highly doubt there will be Real Estate offices lining up & jumping at the opportunity to hire somebody with a few deception charges against their name.

On that highly depressing note, I shall leave it at that and go have some snuggles with Miss M & await the arrival of Master O and Mr. C.

{104 days to go}

Monday, 9 December 2013

Summer VS Winter

Just a quick post today to say; I fucking hate summer.

There's the hot, sticky, sweating feeling you constantly have. Also, the sun makes me sleepy which in turn makes me lazy. Give me a chilly, wet day any day & I'll have a ball. Warm fire, slippers, rain on the roof, toasty feelings, hot dinner & cuddles.

We're technically a week into summer and thankfully the weather is acting like spring still. Often raining & yet when the sun is out, it's not sweltering.

I must be bored, I've been talking about the fucking weather. Don't worry boys & girls, I have a great topic next post. My hopes & dreams. Woo.

{106 days to go}

Tuesday, 3 December 2013

Holy Fuck

Look at me, new to this blogging shit & doing two posts in a day. I'll be a pro in no time.

Anyway, I have never been so stressed in my life.
It started with me being 20 minutes late to my Doctors appointment. By the time I left, I should have already left 10 minutes earlier. Fuckballs. My GPS told me that no matter how much I fly home, we are still going to be 5 minutes late home.

{5 minutes late = My ass in the slammer}

I called Gazza & explained my situation. He seemed awfully jolly for someone so fucked off earlier. Nonetheless, I didn't wanna push it.
Miss M (The baby) & I flew home.
It turns out, with my flying & some miracle timing, I got home with 2 whole minutes to spare. According to my home detention unit anyway. My cell was saying otherwise. Shitcunt. I must change that.

To top my afternoon off, my washing machine just shat itself mid wash. Fuck.
What a day.

{Still 112 days to go}

Getting Started

I've fucked off my probation officer. {Great}

I'm on home detention/house arrest/boredom central. Whatever you wanna call it, it's the same thing. Confined to my house & most of my property.

4 months for multiple deception charges. It's not bad. I mean, the Judge wanted to lock me up for a year. It doesn't seem like such a harsh sentence. Don't get me wrong, it's not an ideal situation leading up to Christmas & all but I pretty much stay at home 24/7 anyway. 

Back to the fucked off probation officer. I have a doctors appointment today & I'm only just telling him about it today. Apparently I need to tell him about such things at least two days beforehand. That's fine and dandy but how the fuck am I meant to know when I'll be sick?
Gary, the PO is not one to piss off. {He's massive}
But how am I meant to know what to do? I'm new to all of this. I've known a few people on home D but to be honest I never asked them how much notice they gave to their PO's to attend an appointment. It simply never came up. Maybe I'll start a list of such questions in case I ever need them.

I'm rambling now. Sorry.

I'm a little over a week into my sentence & I'm disappointed with how slow it's been. Usually time flies. Especially with a young baby. Damn.

Gary just dropped off a whole lot of forms I need to sign & to give me the time frame I need to be in by. I also need to get the doctor to write me a note & get the receptionist to sign some absence slips.

I feel like I'm back in high school & I'm taking my report in cards around to each teacher I have that day to confirm that I did indeed attend their class & I'm not in fact off wagging in the girls toilets. I did do the crime so I really shouldn't complain too much. Self inflicted & all that but this is a blog.
My blog.
And I’ll bitch to myself {& any one who will listen} as much as I like.

I'm not really sure how to end these things but that’s a good starting point. I have dragged on a little too much so I guess I’ll leave it with a simple sorry.

Until next time.

{112 days to go. Not that I'm counting or anything}